OUR SAVIOUR HAS RISEN ONCE MORE
Survivor Series 2015 will go down in history as one of the most uninspired, tepid and boring PPVs in modern history. In a time with Kevin Owens being in WWE, it's impossible not to look at it exponentially. Sure there are some (a lot of) injuries but that doesn't mean you have to set up a sixteen man tournament just so you can have two guys face eachother without losing their 'friendship'. The tournament damaged this show more than Rollins' injury, more than Orton's absence and even more than Cena's absence, combined.
Anyway, on with the review. Sadly.
ROMAN REIGNS vs. ALBERTO DEL RIO
FIRST SEMI-FINAL TOURNAMENT MATCH
Right, first match of the night, and it set a standard for the entire show.
The beginning was full of reversals, going way overboard with the back and forth, without actually having anything of merit causing it. Just random reversal after random reversal. It was plodding and boring and not just because Del Rio was involved. Which I think I've come to understand, Del Rio is much like Orton in the sense that everything they do is so fluid, and of a high standard, but they do fuck-all else, so there's nothing to see but immaculate nothingness in essence. This match was a good example of it; Del Rio had two possum spots that I didn't really expect, but they barely excited me at all. The pretend injury for the superkick reversal to the spear was alright but seemed so typical. And the baiting into the armbreaker was alright but it was reversed WAY too fast. It took away from the special-ness of both spots.
Reigns' corner clotheslines by the way are horrible on one camera angle but pretty good on another. They have to stop switching the fucking angles because the lower one works way, way, way better.
Ending of the match (which also set the tone for Reigns) was also shitty. As soon as Del Rio got to the top of the turnbuckle it was obvious what was happening, and how it would happen.
2.5 / 5
DEAN AMBROSE vs. KEVIN OWENS
SECOND SEMI-FINAL TOURNAMENT MATCH
Hey check it out! A Kevin Owens match, that'll be worth watching, and arguably the best match of the show considering this card. Right? Wrong. Another shitty match.
Absolutely NOTHING interesting happened for over ten fucking minutes, and even then, the only interesting thing was Owen's swinging fisherman suplex, which he does every big match anyway. And the fans chanted "this is awesome!" as well? It's like they've never seen Kevin Owens wrestle before. Or a good match. Because it fucking sucked.
I feel bad that Owens said "okie dokie" to the ending of the match too. Two superkicks in succession is bad enough. Two superkicks being no-sold immediately is possibly one of the worst flaw of wrestling logic that has happened in a wrestling match in quite a while. Oh and then Ambrose hits his finisher and wins, just like that. No kick out, nothing. Just... end.
2 / 5
RYBACK, THE LUCHA DRAGONS & THE USOS
vs.
THE NEW DAY, KING BARRETT & SHEAMUS
TRADITIONAL LET-US-DOWN ELIMINATION TAG TEAM MATCH
Hoping for the NEW DAY to save the, uh, night? Well, too fucking bad. This also sucked.
Barrett gets pinned first, then Jimmy Uso is out, and Sin Cara gets dropped. Then Big E is pinned because of a bit of a dispute with Sheamus and the New Day leave. What happened in between? NOTHING WORTHWHILE. Unless you like Sin Cara, then he had a decent showing I suppose. Otherwise, NOTHING WORTHWHILE.
After that though it just got worse. Sheamus was left to fight three people by himself as a heel and he got violated, against tag team rules, by three faces. Great logical booking here. I guess they had to make him have a decisive, not-so-bad loss he could 'come back from' later on, though.
2 / 5
PAIGE vs. CHARLOTTE (c)
FOR THE DIVAS CHAMPIONSHIP
Allow me to preface this match review by reviewing the vignette.
It was stupid. It was utterly, ridiculously, stupid. Not because of Paige, but because of Charlotte. What is with WWE trying to push these people who clearly aren't the best at what they do, and not even fucking close, as the best at what they do, when everyone can clearly see they aren't, and making them get the wrong reaction for it?
No one, I repeat, no one, believes Charlotte worked hard to get where she is. Especially when it has become glaringly obvious that she can't work a match do a decent standard when she's not in NXT, for some reason. I thought it might have been the Bellas, but when she faces Paige and does just as bad, even when given a decent timeslot, it's clear as fucking day.
This 'divas revolution' shit has went upside down solely because of how petty it seems all these girls arguing over who started it when nothing has even fucking begun. And it's only worse because of the plethora of other factors.
With the match however, it was just another example of Survivor Series 2015's standard of "slow, uninspired, boring, tepid" matches, as virtually nothing happened in this match until the big barricade spot, which looked absolutely horrible. Like Charlotte's spear went half of Edge's running hug. It looked like Charlotte was trying to stop Paige from hurting herself upon landing.
Then Charlotte rolls Paige right back into the ring, locks in her submission right next to the fucking ropes and Paige has to shimmy away from them to make it look like she can't reach. That's the ending to the BIG MATCH of the divas revolution, guys!
1.5 / 5
TYLER BREEZE vs. DOLPH ZIGGLER
TYLER BREEZE vs. HIS FUTURE SELF
Zzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Midlife Crisis Man tries the Sweet Chin Music.
Misses, hit by Unprettier.
Match is over.
I suggest people watch this match as Breeze wins just to hear Cole and JBL exclaim how a victory over the WWE's most well-renowned jobber is somehow important.
2 / 5
THE BROTHERS OF DESTRUCTION
vs.
BRAY WYATT & LUKE HARPER w/ BRAUN STROWMAN
Thank GOD I watched this after it aired live because if I hadn't fallen asleep by now I would've definitely done so during these entrances. Bray's isn't bad but it'd put you to sleep when you're tired. Taker's is horrible as always. Yes I hate it, what of it?
I guess a double chokeslam is the best way to get rid of Rowan and make it seem more fair. At least that happened instead of a clean win over three giants and a fat guy.
The only thing worth watching this match for, and I'm serious here, was Strowman just manhandling Kane and throwing him over the announcers table. And I mean manhandled. That was a brutal throw and Strowman is scary strong. Too bad he still can't wrestle though.
Everything else was pish. Truly subpar especially for a match with everyone's favourite grandfather, the Undertaker, and still-a-good-worker-kinda Luke Harper.
Wasn't a fan of a guy like Taker getting a hot tag, it seemed so uncaring to make a match with the Brothers of Destruction based around a fucking hot tag like it's a Smackdown tag match for no reason. And he isn't even good at it. At least Taker did one good thing, which was completely voided by it being a good saving of a botch, by dropping Harper into a DDT pretty seamlessly.
Though, after that botch-n-save, Taker could barely lift Harper up for the Tombstone. Harper isn't even that heavy, is he? Either way though, it's over, Taker. 25 years. Hang 'em up.
2.25 / 5
ROMAN REIGNS vs. DEAN AMBROSE
THE MOST OBVIOUS FINALS OF ANY TOURNAMENT IN WRESTLING HISTORY
I was hoping for a longer match, where these guys show some kind of reluctance towards beating the fuck out of eachother, after a couple of finisher kick-outs overall (but not too many).
Yet what we got was an immediate brawl, as if they hate eachother. Now I understand why they went with that, but I don't think it had the potential to make a quality match quite like the other archetype would've.
There was one part of the match where in a submission, Reigns and Ambrose were clearly talking shit to eachother, but commentary would NOT stop talking throughout. They basically spoke so much and so loudly that it covered what could've been a genuine integral part of the match, because they're so fucking obnoxious. Who knows, that could've been a really good part of the match. But it wasn't. And it wasn't even in the wrestlers' control, for fuck sake.
The best thing to come from this however was it was the only match in the entire show that didn't have a ridiculously uninspired slow start. It went right into action. But then to take from it, the match ended so abruptly, for little reason.
I can't even give it 3 stars, it really was better than the rest, but it also really wasn't even very good at all.
2.75 / 5
SHEAMUS vs. ROMAN REIGNS (c)
FOR THE WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
BROGUE, BROGUE, BROGUE. BY GOD A BROGUE KICK OUTTA NOWHERE.
Probably the match of the night here, but I think most people would question how a minute long match would be the MOTN. Probably because that one minute was more impactful and entertaining than any minute in any other match, honestly.
Sheamus not winning with a single kick was pretty expected, but Reigns dodging the second, going for the spear, only for Sheamus to dodge that, and respond with another kick, was the most intense three seconds of the whole fucking show.
New champion, well deserved, after three years of mid-card hopelessness, SHEAMUS.
3.25 / 5
OVERALL RATING:
3/10
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